Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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