So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
