on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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