Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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