thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
