why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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