He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
