oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
