It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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