Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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