my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the day after is always just damage control
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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