Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
