i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
