Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
