Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize