I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
