My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
