so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
