Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My brain says no but my pants say off.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
