did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
