look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
