i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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