You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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