the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
