Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
