When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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