Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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