Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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