Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So gin and wine won't be happening again
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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