I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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