I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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