Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
