Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
