dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Don't make out with my wife yet
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
