i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
