he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize