Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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