U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
