fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
