he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
