K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
