you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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