all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
