i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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