it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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