so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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