Im at strip club and am horny
Barsexuality is the new black.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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