Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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