walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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