imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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