i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
