I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
