i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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