So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
false alarm. still invincible.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
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I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
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The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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