took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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