I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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