one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
