Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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