She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
