Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I could have mohawked her pubes.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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