I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
