i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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