k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
